Those were words I heard last night, at my first prayer ministry meeting. The prayer ministry leader was introducing the new members to the prayer team, and he was being honest. I've learned a great deal over the last few months, one thing definitely being that the more you serve God, the more you put yourself out there for Him, the more leaps of faith you take, the more somebody is going to try to bring you down.
Sounds scary, doesn't it? At times, it is scary. Really scary. A couple months ago I experienced an incredibly strong spiritual attack in middle of a prayer meeting. I had been feeling down for a couple of days, but when I went to the prayer meeting, cast my burdens aside and started praying, I was feeling better. I thought things were okay, but in all honesty, I wasn't being watchful like we are instructed to be. My mind was a blank when, in middle of a worship song, the attack came in the form of a thought: "If things don't get better, you could always kill yourself."
What? NO!
I'm not suicidal, thank the Lord. I haven't been for a long time, but it is certainly something I struggled with as a teenager and as a child.
And so the thought came. My reaction was simple, in my head "What? NO!" I would have discounted it completely, just one of those crazy thoughts, but as I was rejecting that thought in my head, all of a sudden I heard screaming. Across the room, one of the sisters started yelling out that the devil was trying to get someone in the room to think about suicide. She was near hysterics, screaming and crying "Don't do it, don't do it, the devil is a liar, don't listen!"
Whoa. I was terrified at that point. I kept my face as calm as possible and carried on with the meeting, at one point thinking, well, maybe it wasn't me. Maybe someone else was thinking the same thought. The Holy Spirit answered me with the thought "No, it was you" and then an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. Wow.
For a long time, I didn't want to talk about that night. I didn't want people thinking that I was nuts, depressed, or anything else. Today I look on that night as another turning point. Despite my fears, I started talking about it, praying about it, and I started getting some fantastic guidance on how to cope when the enemy attacks. I was guided to start learning how to turn to the Word of God as the Sword of the Spirit. I began to learn how powerful the Shield of Faith really is. I started turning to prayer, more and more. I also realized what an amazing testimony that night was - God was there and protecting me the whole time, bless His Holy Name. He wasn't leaving me alone, and He never will.
Where am I now? A member of the prayer ministry. A member of the children's and youth ministry. I've committed to being part of the Queensborough church plant. (I am still part of the kitchen team, and still haven't burnt Calvary down!) I needed that push to start learning about spiritual warfare to enable to me survive with what I am doing today. Do I always make it through unscathed? No. Do I stumble and fall? Yes. Is Jesus there, picking me up every time I do? Absolutely. He is our God, ever faithful, ever loving, ever merciful. I am blessed beyond measure, far beyond what I could ever deserve, that I have the ability to serve Him and worship Him.
The words I heard last night didn't frighten me. I don't know what's around the corner for me, I don't know what will happen, and that's okay. I'm at peace.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7 (NIV)
Sounds scary, doesn't it? At times, it is scary. Really scary. A couple months ago I experienced an incredibly strong spiritual attack in middle of a prayer meeting. I had been feeling down for a couple of days, but when I went to the prayer meeting, cast my burdens aside and started praying, I was feeling better. I thought things were okay, but in all honesty, I wasn't being watchful like we are instructed to be. My mind was a blank when, in middle of a worship song, the attack came in the form of a thought: "If things don't get better, you could always kill yourself."
What? NO!
I'm not suicidal, thank the Lord. I haven't been for a long time, but it is certainly something I struggled with as a teenager and as a child.
And so the thought came. My reaction was simple, in my head "What? NO!" I would have discounted it completely, just one of those crazy thoughts, but as I was rejecting that thought in my head, all of a sudden I heard screaming. Across the room, one of the sisters started yelling out that the devil was trying to get someone in the room to think about suicide. She was near hysterics, screaming and crying "Don't do it, don't do it, the devil is a liar, don't listen!"
Whoa. I was terrified at that point. I kept my face as calm as possible and carried on with the meeting, at one point thinking, well, maybe it wasn't me. Maybe someone else was thinking the same thought. The Holy Spirit answered me with the thought "No, it was you" and then an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. Wow.
For a long time, I didn't want to talk about that night. I didn't want people thinking that I was nuts, depressed, or anything else. Today I look on that night as another turning point. Despite my fears, I started talking about it, praying about it, and I started getting some fantastic guidance on how to cope when the enemy attacks. I was guided to start learning how to turn to the Word of God as the Sword of the Spirit. I began to learn how powerful the Shield of Faith really is. I started turning to prayer, more and more. I also realized what an amazing testimony that night was - God was there and protecting me the whole time, bless His Holy Name. He wasn't leaving me alone, and He never will.
Where am I now? A member of the prayer ministry. A member of the children's and youth ministry. I've committed to being part of the Queensborough church plant. (I am still part of the kitchen team, and still haven't burnt Calvary down!) I needed that push to start learning about spiritual warfare to enable to me survive with what I am doing today. Do I always make it through unscathed? No. Do I stumble and fall? Yes. Is Jesus there, picking me up every time I do? Absolutely. He is our God, ever faithful, ever loving, ever merciful. I am blessed beyond measure, far beyond what I could ever deserve, that I have the ability to serve Him and worship Him.
The words I heard last night didn't frighten me. I don't know what's around the corner for me, I don't know what will happen, and that's okay. I'm at peace.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7 (NIV)
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