God is so faithful

Let's face it - we're very fallible. We make promises and break them, make commitments and then forget, etc. On numerous occasions, no matter how good our intent, we have end up disappointing people.

Perhaps that is why it can be difficult for us to trust God at times. We doubt, we don't take Him at His Word, we question and we struggle to do things on our own. We forget that the difference between us and the Lord is beyond measure, and we put limits on what we feel He can and will do for us.

When we cast those limits aside, turn to Him and trust Him, truly amazing things do happen. I got a very vivid reminder of this just last night.

Our church (non-denominational, FYI) believes very strongly in "prayer languages", praying in the Spirit, praying in tongues, however you want to label it. You hear it all the time, and from what I have seen, all of the leaders, elders, deacons, etc., pray in tongues. A while back, I was encouraged (not pressured, I want to make that very clear) to pray to be given a prayer language and learn to pray in the Spirit. So, I did.. After a while, I started getting a little discouraged - although I have friends across the continent who have never spoken or prayed in tongues and I am well aware of that, it started to seem like I was the only one not doing it. I prayed more and gave it up to the Lord. He's promised to give us whatever gifts we need to fulfill our purpose. I told Him that I know that He has given me what I need already, and asked that He reveal more in me so I am able to serve Him better. The Spirit responded, speaking to me, and told me that my prayers would be answered, and I got a vision of me, on my knees, at home.

Whoa. Praise God!

As time went on, however, doubts started creeping into my mind again, and I started wondering if something was wrong with me. (Patience is a Fruit of the Spirit that I really need to develop.) The enemy was taking advantage of my own insecurities, and trying to use something so beautiful against me. I recognized it and was turning to God to fight it off, although I certainly had some rough moments. Yesterday was a very hard day, work was very challenging, I was feeling very alone, but I was trying to turn to Jesus with every negative thought and give Him the glory. I knew I was under attack.

As bible study was ending last night, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. I was approached by a friend who was really excited. She'd been asking me about praying in tongues a couple weeks ago, and she told me that she'd started doing it. I gave her a hug and told her how excited I was for her, but inside, I felt crushed. Slammed. What is wrong with me? I was pretty unhappy when I got home. I thought about just saying forget it and goofing off online, but before I went and did that, I started praying and praising His name, giving Jesus all the glory and telling Him that I trust Him, and that I know things will happen at the perfect time, in accordance to His divine will. Then I hung out with some online friends for a bit, then got ready for bed.

When I went down on my knees to pray last night, it happened. I started praying in tongues. I was happy waiting on Him. I was trusting Him. I knew He'd keep His word to me, and I bless His holy Name.

Anyone who knows me should be very aware that I am nobody special. I am flawed and broken, sometimes very lost and confused. Thankfully, nothing I have done, nothing I am doing, and nothing that I will do is through my own strength or skills. It's all God, because of Him, for Him, and through Him. Words can't express my gratitude. I know He will keep working in me, as He will in ANYONE who opens him or herself to Him. I'm nothing. He is everything. He is so faithful and we are so blessed.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19 (NIV)